Funeral Planning Steps

Making funeral arrangements

There are three basic reasons for considering making funeral preparations:

A loved one has passed away:  This difficult time can be made a little easier with good planning and responsible financial decision making, helping to ease your already labored mind. 

A loved one has been diagnosed as terminally ill:
Planning a funeral at this difficult time can be an empowering process for everyone involved.  Now would be a good time to discuss practical matters like wills, life insurance, savings, and last wishes.  Allow your loved one to assist in the funeral planning, if receptive, in order to empower them and make sure their arrangements are carried out as they would have liked them be.  Big decisions, if possible, should be avoided during the grieving period and now would be an excellent time to begin to make those decisions.

You’re pre-planning your own funeral:  Making your own funeral arrangements is a popular decision and should be considered an important part of planning for the future.  In considering your funeral arrangements, you may also consider options like burial location, cremation, green burial, casket design, and memorials.  Important decisions, if possible, should be avoided during the grieving period and now would be an excellent time to begin to make those decisions.

Following the immediate loss of a loved one in a situation that did not allow a hospital stay beforehand:

• Phone 911 and report that someone has passed away.
• When the police arrive, they will make inquiries concerning the circumstances of the death, and then the body will be transferred to a funeral home of your choice. The body may go to a medical examiner if there are any questions or problems. In either event, you will require a physician to determine the cause of death and sign a death certificate.
• Begin contacting close relatives at this point. Some of them may want to say their last goodbyes to their loved one in their home or be involved in the funeral planning process. Plan what you're going to say before you make the phone call and be prepared for varied reactions.  People handle shock and grief in many different ways.
• Get copies of the death certificate to make other legal arrangements easier. You'll need to contact banks and credit card companies to freeze accounts and assets until they can be dealt with at a later time.
• After the body goes to the funeral home, the family will be asked what is to be done concerning disposition of the remains. Obtain a copy of the deceased’s will regarding their last wishes or speak with other close relatives if you are unsure of the departed's wishes regarding burial or cremation.

Basis steps to consider when pre-planning your loved ones funeral:

1. Make the BIG decisions early.  Don’t wait until your loved one’s death to select the funeral home, casket, place of burial or even the music and flowers — make these in advance.  Making such decisions while the person is still relatively healthy is less stressful for everyone involved.  

As the disease advances and the end nears, emotions will be heightened and decisions may not be made as clearly.

Other important decisions include whether your loved one will be cremated or buried, the type of service (graveside, church or at funeral home), and whether to incorporate your loved one’s religious beliefs into the service.

2. Include your loved one in the plans. Engage your loved one in the funeral plans —from start to finish if possible.  This step can be empowering, healing, and gratifying for them to know that their last wishes will be carried out.  Also, taking the added stress away from an already grieving family can be their last gift to the family.

3. Decide who will talk to your loved one.  Before talking to your loved one, decide which family member is best equipped to emotionally handle the conversation. Consider someone who will not be overly emotional to initiate the conversation.  A clear and practical mind is best at this time. 

You might consider asking a close friend, another family member, or clergy member to have this conversation with your loved one if it proves too difficult for you.

4. Initiate the conversation.   Discussing other people’s wishes from past funerals or mentioning your own wishes might help get the conversation started with your loved one. If you do not complete the initial conversation, you are planting the seeds for a later conversation and this may give your loved one time to truly evaluate what they would prefer during this time.

5. Shop around for a funeral home.  The average funeral may cost more than $6,000.  Consider contacting all of the funeral homes in your area for the best prices rather than using the funeral home that your family has always used in the past.  In this already stressful time, you do not want to add unneeded financial stress.

6. Compile and collect necessary documents.  Don’t wait for someone’s death to assemble the necessary paperwork and personal information — the clearer your mind is, the easier it will be. 

Contacting your funeral home of choice about what documents are necessary at this time, may be a time saver when your time is already precious.

You will, however, likely need the Social Security number, date and place of birth, life insurance policies, veteran information if applicable, wedding anniversary date, names of church and pastor, cemetery information, jewelry and clothing preferences for the funeral director, last will and testament information, etc.

7. Write the obituary. Though funeral homes often assemble and release an obituary for the media, family members can get closure by taking on this important task and thus making sure the tribute you your loved ones reads as you would like them to be remembered. Be sure to include life accomplishments, memberships, education information, military service, and names of spouse, siblings, children, and such.  You may consider allowing the loved one to write their own obituary.  This can be cathartic and it will allow them to best relate what they would like to be remembered for.   Be inclusive, and ask all family members for their input.

8. Compile a tribute video or a slide show. You do not have to be a computer genius to accomplish this task and it can make for a moving tribute to honor your loved one’s life.  This will also allow those in line at the memorial an opportunity to view the pictures and discuss their memories.  An alternative to a digital slideshow or video could be a photo collage displayed on an easel or a display of photo albums or scrap books.  This type of tribute will allow friends and family to view a person’s entire life and not just focus on the end of the life. 

This can truly be a celebration of your loved one’s life and their fondest memories and the people with whom they chose to make those memories.

9. Personalize the service through music/flowers. Music can really speak to a person’s life, and it’s one of the best ways to personalize the funeral and make it even more meaningful.  You may consider asking a friend or loved one to perform a favorite song or play a song of special significance. 

Enhancing the memorial with favorite or meaningful flowers can make a comforting visual memory, as well.

10. Gathering after the funeral. Sharing time together with family and friends immediately after the funeral is also important. If your family wants to host a luncheon for friends and relatives after the funeral, be sure to decide upon the menus, location, and logistics in advance.   This is one less thing to worry about during an already stressful time.